Okay...here goes...
I feel the need to share a deep insecurity of mine that I have struggled with for a very long time. It is something that has weighed on me daily for many years, but at this point in my life, I feel like God is giving me freedom from this insecurity. So, I am taking a step of faith and empowering the spirit of God to free me completely.
For as long as I can remember, I have worn a mask. I put on a happy face to hide my pain and sadness, I flash a smile to disguise disappointment, and I blink to hold back tears. To sum it all up, I do not wear my emotions on my sleeves...I am afraid to. In the same way, I have put on a literal mask everyday. I paint up my face to hide any flaw or imperfection. I try to create a beautiful facade, one that people can't see through.
Over the past few years, I have slowly begun to let down that guard. It is a long process to be healed of these insecurities and fears, but I want to allow my Heavenly Father to complete the work. So, today, I am taking down a wall and stepping out into freedom and security as a Child of God.
Below is a gallery of me...naturally. No make-up, no masks, just me as God created me.
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| One of our camping trips |
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| Another camping trip! |
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| Trying on my hubby's hat. Yep, I ended up stealing that one, |
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| Hiking with our 1st Youth Group |
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| Self portrait while hiking with my hubby! |
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| After an exhausting day of water park fun! |
Take a look at those faces...they are the faces of freedom. Freedom from fear; freedom from shame; freedom from vanity, freedom from superficiality, freedom from insecurity, and freedom from pretending...
I could go on and on, but I simply want to say that I am slowly but surely finding myself again. As silly as it may sound, this was a BIG step for me in conquering my insecurity and becoming more transparent. I can feel the confidence and empowerment of the Holy Spirit rising up in me and tearing down my walls brick by brick. I am beginning to see who I really am in Him!
My goal...
Don't be afraid to be me...
naturally...
the way I was created to be!
This is amazing! I am so happy for you, friend.
ReplyDeleteIt took being very ill and no longer caring for me to stop wearing even mascara a few years back. Now I havent worn it once this year and i wore foundation once last year at a wedding - and light at that! but would feel awful in a way being 'me' and being bare. Only learning now the same thing - to be OK and feel FREE in that state - not just be there because I'm disinterested!!
I think to be truly FREE by the Spirit in this area as it seems you are starting to be - is BRILLIANT
I think you look more beautiful - honestly! - in those pictures above than you do even with your make-up on! there's an honesty, a natural charisma, a softness that is truly gorgeous and REAL
Thank you Jesus for freedom and for loving us who we ARE.
I pray this freedom continues to work itself out in your life and in your heart. Thank you for sharing and taking a huge LEAP :)
This makes me smile BIG xxx Love ya :D
I commend you on your courage, i know from my wife and friends that women tend to grow up with these masks, and when they want to be free of them, a real battle ensues :) keep on rockin
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